Wild Trail

   I saw the movie 'Wild' this week, the story of a woman who walked 1100 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail. I am inspired by those who have overcome great odds and endured tremendous struggle. But to get there, at some point, that person has to be in it. That's where many are right now, in the struggle.

   One scene in the movie showed the marks on her shoulders and hips that her backpack had made chafing her skin over 100s of miles of walking. As I walked out of the theater that night, I saw my gaunt face in the reflection in the glass door, the result of 8 years with Lyme disease, the diagnosis of which has only become known to me this past year. For the first time in a long while, I liked my face. It bears the marks of my journey. It is a scar I have from living life, my red badge of courage.

   We all have our story and paths of struggle. I am reminding to appreciate what I do have and to recognize the good along the way; God's infilling Spirit, eyes to see, music, dance, and the kindness of others in many ways. I stop to breathe the fresh air along the way and know someday the trail will end.

Presence

O' cry my soul,
for years of laughter gone,
as a granite cliff collapses
over a mountain road,
forbidding passage to bubbling brooks,
glorious horizons, and fertile meadows above.
There will be no crops this year.

O' cry my soul,
yes, weep stinging, salty tears,
that the rocks may erode
as I sit on my stone,
and wait.
From under the stone
a cricket crawls, looks at me,
and hops into his newly found fortress.

Below a sparrow flies its song
above the fading echo of fallen rock
in the frost-filled forest below.
I look up to see the sun setting
on the near ridge,
changing the suspended sky water
from blue to gold.

And the crickets and cicadas
rise with the crescent, silver moon
to begin their symphonic prelude of
sadness and solitude, pain and patience,
tragedy and triumph.

Now present I, amidst the strings,
hear the rumbling bass of the river below,
miles downstream of a bubbling brook.
How unaware of it I was hours ago,
in my hurry up the winding way.

It's a different movement I hear now,
more thunderous than I expected,
fuller of emotion and sounds,
had my way not been blocked,
had I seen and heard
a smaller stream.

O' laugh my soul,
for lessons learned,
and momentary awareness gained,
amidst tumbling rocks.

I hoist my bag
and find my way down
to the river below,
aware of and thankful to
the God of mystery,
unexpected turns,
and the music as I go.

Albuquerque Sunset 10/30/13

Saw some low hanging clouds on the cliffs this evening 

and knew there might be a light show at sunset. 

I was not disappointed. Here it is. ;)

Four-footed and Winged Neighbors

This afternoon I laid down on a warm slab of rock at the bottom of this picture. What a wonderful feeling it was having the warm afternoon sun on my legs and belly, a huge, warm rock on my back, and a cool mountain breeze bringing a perfect balance. I was listening to the cry of a bird of prey in the valley and enjoying the sound of the wind when, a few minutes later, a hummingbird came and lit on a leafless tree a few yards from me. We both looked at each other for about 10 seconds then s/he zoomed over my stomach. I liked that it wasn't afraid to fly towards me.

Five to ten minutes later, some kind of chipmunk(?) jumped onto a rock below me. It was brown with black and white stripes running down its head and back. It had white stripes lining its eyes and was about 5 inches long with a long tail in the air. It then jumped onto a rock closer to have a better look. I was glad it was not afraid either. It then went away, only to appear about 10 minutes later and perched itself on a rock. It made a chuckling noise and I clicked my tongue. She cocked her head. We then had a mysterious conversation. "Chuckle, chuckle", "Click.", "Chuckle.", "Click,click." "Chuckle", "Click". She couldn't stay too long and disappeared I think to take care of some chipmunk business.

My next visitor (actually I guess I was the visitor) was a 3-4 inch lizard who spotted me from a rock well below and to my surprise, started climbing the rocks to get within a few feet of me. While looking at me sideways with one eye, he pumped his chest a few times like he was doing pushups. I looked at him. After a few minutes of him looking at me sideways, I put my foot down on the rock less than a foot way (to see if he might want to come closer) and he did not move, but instead of looking at my foot, turned his head and looked at me square in the eyes. So interesting, that he knew our eyes were the point of communication between us and not my foot. I was glad that he trusted me and was not afraid even when I put my foot close to him. Anyway, we both lay on our respective rocks, enjoying the sun and looking at each other from time to time. It appears lizards are a bit more relaxed than chipmunks, but I think chipmunks would enjoy a good adventure. It was nice spending some time with my four-footed and winged neighbors today. Loving this place. :)

One with Source is Enough

While having Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), this past week I read a passage that helped me as I have tried to tell others what I do. Trying to find consistent energy, a solution to ME/CFS, and improving my health doesn't always feel like an adequate/satisfying answer. I thought this might also help others struggling with wanting to be or have more at times, in whatever area that may be.

   "Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as a field of conscious Presence.
   Why does the ego play roles? Because of one unexamined assumption, one fundamental error, one unconscious thought. That thought is: I am not enough. Other unconscious thoughts follow: I need to play a role in order to get what I need to be fully myself; I need to get more so that I can be more. But you cannot be more than you are because underneath your physical and psychological form, you are one with Life itself, one with Being. In form, you are and will always be inferior to some, superior to others. In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone. True self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realization."  --- from A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle p.109

Yes. I am one with God/Being/The Source of Life itself. I didn't choose to be where I am, but this is where I am. I didn't do anything wrong, this is just where God (the name I personally give to this Source of Life) has me. I've tried to get better, and after 6.5 years, I'm still trying. It could change, God could heal me in an instant, but that hasn't happened. It is all ok. I don't need to make a million dollars, or whatever amount, or be the hero to be enough. I am one with God, God loves me, and that is enough.

God, do with me what you will. Teach me what you will. Thank you for this life!

Holy Wind Blow

The holy wind brings memories
  of those I've known.
I give to it my prayers
  and send it to return 
to give to those of my past
 and bless their days
with a smile and a laugh.

Earthing

Two people this year have told me about this, one right after I saw the book the same day, so I decided to buy it. Some of the audio is online. I have to admit putting my barefeet on the ground often makes me feel better. :)
http://www.earthinginstitute.net/index.php/book

Audio to the book:
http://www.earthing.com/earthing-book-audio-preview.php